Pontificating about the Papal Election

Two days? Can you believe it took only two days to pick a pope? I'm impressed. My message to the College of Cardinals would be, "Congratulations, Your Eminences, way to go! And would you please come en masse to the United States and teach our congress how you did it."

Now, I know this story has been all over the news since Pope Benedict XVI resigned, but most of the news I've been unable to avoid seen has been about speculation: Why did the outgoing pope resign? Who would be chosen to replace him? I didn't see a single television ad in which one papal candidate dished dirt about another one. I haven't heard a single cardinal complain about his mailbox being flooded with colorful, oversized mail-outs, bearing bullet-pointed lists of reasons to vote--or not vote--for a certain candidate. Imagine that. An election without ads, negative or otherwise.

Of course, you know they talked amongst themselves. I'll bet they did some lobbying, wagging their tongues about an assortment of scandals, gossiping as aggressively as little old la -- heh-heh -- I started to type "little old ladies," but picturing female cardinals is such a stretch I don't even want to go there.

Anyway, the election is over, and the we-have-a-winner message of white smoke poured out over the Vatican to let the whole world know. Good luck, Pope Francis, you've taken on a huge job.

Two days. Only two days. I'm not Catholic, never have been, but I think I'll send up a few Our Fathers and Hail Marys just to show how much I appreciate political efficiency.