Penance

Today I took something I shouldn't have. I thought about it for awhile before succumbing to the temptation, because I knew I'd regret it. And, sure enough, I already do.

The opportunity presented itself when we closed the office early and I had the afternoon off. If not for the extra time on my hands, it never would have happened. I wouldn't have been in the right place at the right time.

I've done this kind of thing before. When it's happened in the past, I've spent the rest of the day in a fog and then followed it with a sleepless night. A night spent tossing and turning, asking myself over and over again why I did it.

It wasn't a question of need. I just wanted it, and I wanted it right then. I wanted to wrap myself in that softness and warmth and revel in the luxury of it.

I should have walked away. I should have focused my attention on finding something to do, something interesting that would occupy my time and keep my mind off of it. Instead, I let the instant-gratification-fanatic part of me take over and make the decision. And I grabbed the prize while no one was around to stop me.

If I could undo it, I would, but there's no going back on this one. I hope that by committing this lapse of judgment to writing, I won't repeat it. I'll try to remember, the next time I feel that overwhelming urge, to reread this post and recall how awful I feel at this moment. There'll be little sleep at my house tonight.

Oh...that thing I took? A three-hour nap!