Friday, December 29, 2006

Meat and greet

I almost forgot to tell you! I got "hit on" the other day by a man who made a rather bold move. That might not be an unusual event for you younger women out there, but it's been a while since it's happened to me.

He...uh...he was the...uh...Wal-Mart greeter. He pulled out a shopping cart for me and then wouldn't let go of it. For more than ten minutes.

He said he was just about to grab a hamburger and invited me to join him, but I explained that I was expecting company and just needed to pick up a couple of things and hurry home. He still wouldn't turn loose of the cart.

He began to tell me about his war experiences and all the places he'd traveled when he was in the service. We're talking World War II, people. I was surprised when he told me he'll be 85 in January (he didn't look a day over 75), but that would explain why a plus-sized, 64-year-old woman might appeal to him.

He'd tell me something about himself ("my wife passed 13 years ago") and I'd make a polite response and try to pull the cart a little closer. He'd tighten his grip on it and tell me something else ("my son and his family live in Baton Rouge, but I like it better out here"). We seesawed that shopping cart back and forth a dozen times before I wrested it away from him.

I'm not gonna kid myself that I was the only woman he tried to pick up that day. In fact, based on what he told me in the first five minutes, I don't think he's working for the money. He said he has a "brand-new car" ("I don't know why I bought it; I sure don't need it") and a "real nice RV." Nope, I think he signed up for the job as a way to meet chicks.

I've gotta admire his resourcefulness, and I wish him well. I think his plan has merit. No doubt lonely women pass through those automatic doors numerous times daily, women who'd be happy to cook a few meals and take care of an old man in exchange for the use of a new car and a nice RV. If he makes enough moves, he's bound to find one of those women.

It ain't me, babe.


  1. Velvet,I'm ROTFLMAO at your title! Made SO much more sense after I read the story! You made my day, thanks.

  2. Nice title! What an experience. I'd probably have grabbed another cart if possible. I wonder how long before someone cries "sexual harassment" and he gets fired?

    Bet you don't go back to Wal-Mart for a while, and I bet you peek in the doors to see if he's there when you go back!

    It occurs to me that maybe people who read my blog are having experiences that I used to have-very weird things-because I haven't had a good one in a long time!

  3. Well, I bet he was lonely is why he took this job.

    Velvet, you still have it!

  4. exactly what is the address of this wal-mart i am in my car with the engine running. i am on my way.

  5. Well, Velvet, I think you need to hit the gym more, if you can't grab a shopping cart away from an 85 year old! This was too funny! My dad was a WalMart greeter, briefly - but I think that was just to get away from my mom a couple of hours a day! LOL

  6. Hi Velvet,

    You must have one of those faces/expressions on your face that gives people the idea that you will listen and maybe even care about what they have to say.
    Or maybe he really is desperately needy and reaches out to any and every person who comes in the store. At least he's being productive while he's searching for a new friend.

    I have to give a hand to Patsy. I do wonder what she'd have said to him if he'd "greeted" her at her local Wal-Mart?

  7. First of all, let me say that I meant no disrespect to Wal-Mart greeters in general. I admire people who are willing to work for a living and I'm glad there are places who provide employment opportunities for elderly people.

    It's just that it would have been so much more interesting to say a man tried to make my acquaintance at an elegant holiday party...or the airport (that would be even better) as I was about to board the plane to an exotic vacation destination.

    But Wal-Mart? There's just NO panache at Wal-Mart. It would have been nice to tell you a more glamorous story.

    Jackie, (smile) glad you liked the title.

    Janet, I guess I felt sorry for him. I'd hate to be working at 85 and lonely enough to detain strange women and force them to listen to the Reader's Digest Condensed Version of my life.

    You're right, though. I'll be on the lookout next time I go.

    You also have me wondering if I caught the weird-things-happening bug from you. If so, that's enough. I don't want your cold.

    Sister-Three, I agree, he was lonely. Or lecherous. Or both.

    Patsy, you are a riot! You don't fool me, though. I remember one of your earliest comments on my blog, and I quote: "I never had but one and he is gone and I don't want another." So is it the "nice RV" you're after?

    Sunflower, I think I could have taken it if I'd tried harder, but it would have been ugly. I've never liked to create a scene.

    Annie, I actually didn't mind listening for a minute or two. I admired his productivity, and I think you're right that he's lonely and needy. I was happy to chat for a moment. It was when I realized he was holding me by the shopping cart that I got antsy, and the hamburger invitation was a little over the top. I gave him one point for longevity and two points for productivity, then subtracted two points for his obvious attempt to bait me (with the RV and the new car) and subtracted three more for pushiness.

  8. Hmmm... is the start of a plot for the next "WalMart" movie? The secret lives of greeters?

  9. HAHAHAHA!!!
    Oh my gosh, Velvet. Wal-mart is gonna be your undoing! I'm so sorry but I can't stop laughing. How horrible. Who knew that the creepy guys who argued with you about whether they could buy you a drink in a bar would grab your cart 30 or 40 years later and try to buy you a hamburger!

  10. Carol, you might be on to something. Those people all look so normal and friendly, but who knows what bodies they've got buried underneath their back porches? There could definitely be a movie in there somewhere.

    Third-Cat, you couldn't have summed it up any better. I hadn't made that connection, but this man was exactly like a really old version of the creepy bar guy. If I'd looked closely enough, I'll bet I'd have seen a polyester leisure suit under that red apron.

  11. Velvet Got Her Groove Back, that's the new chick flick shot exclusively at Wal-Mart... to be released soon.

    I'm biting my nails Velvet. The Popcorn is ready.
    You go girl!


  12. Ah, that's fun, and always nice for the fem ego.

    Happy New Year -- I hope it brings in the best for you.

    Univited, though I know welcome, one of my NY's resolutions for 2007 is to visit you. How's that?

  13. Yeah, Austin, and instead of car chases, there'd be shopping carts crashing into canned-food pyramids. I can hear the voice of James Earl Jones saying, "Clean-up in Aisle 3."

    During the scene where the character that's supposed to be me is digging in the back of the sour cream section, looking for the carton with the latest expiration date, there would come Rue McClanahan sashaying through the front door and batting her eyelashes at the leading-man greeter. I'll bet she'd be in there chomping on a burger in the very next scene, the hussy!

  14. D.I., that would be lovely! Just give me enough notice to vacuum away the top layer of dust and dog hair.

    Happy New Year to you, too.

  15. Velvet, you have me rolling with laughter.

    I jsut had a horrible experience trying to get OUT of the Cortana Walmart... and you are just down the road trying to get in!!! LOL!

    Maybe I should send my mom down there... she could certainly out talk him and would probably get a kick out of the attention!


  16. Oh Velvet, you always have a good story....I laughed all of the way through it!!!

  17. Holly, send your mother on down. It sounds as if she could hold her own with this guy, and she might be the answer to his prayers.

    4th Sister, it's funny now, but I added it to my long list of reasons to avoid shopping.

  18. Velvet, this is a great story, you had me laughing all the way through. I imagined the shopping cart being pulled back and forth...hilarious.

    Happy New Year to you and yours!

  19. Marion, it's nice to see you here again. Happy New Year to you, too.

  20. What makes this story so fun is that it actually happened to you and you told the story with humor and caring. Guys are still trying to find a nice gal at all ages, aren't they? Hope you have a wonderful New Year and I will be looking forward to stopping by your blog often to read your stories. I like the way you write.

  21. Thanks, Technobabe, I'm glad you stopped by. Happy New Year to you.


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