Flush with Success: A Mathematical Formula

1 Peaceful Lifestyle Near Shopping = 1 Semi-Rural Area

1 Semi-Rural Area - Tax Dollars = 0 City Sewer Systems

0 City Sewer Systems + 1 Necessity to Dispose of Waste = 1 Septic Tank

1 Septic Tank + 8 Hours of Steady Rain = 5 Inches of Debris Floating at Top of Tank

5 Inches of Debris Floating at Top of Tank = 1 Clogged Sewer Drain

1 Clogged Sewer Drain + 2 Large Loads of Laundry = 30 Gallons of Waste Water With No Place to Go

30 Gallons of Waste Water With No Place to Go + 1.5 Hours of Watching TV + 1 Head Up Ass = 10 Gallons of Waste Water Pouring Under Wall into Living Room + 10 Gallons of Waste Water Rising in Bathtub + 10 Gallons of Waste Water Leaking Out Under Toilet = 1 Plumbing Emergency

1 Plumbing Emergency + 1 Late-Night Call to Plumber = 0 Plumbers Available

0 Plumbers Available = 0 Beverages Consumed + 2 Precautionary Imodium Tablets Swallowed + 1 Desperate Use of Toilet Anyway + 1 Lid Firmly Closed + 1 Bathroom Door Closed So Dogs Can't Drink Nasty Water from Tub + 1 Early Bedtime Before Need to Pee Arises Again = Large Quantity of Ignoring Problem Until Next Day

Large Quantity of Ignoring Problem Until Next Day = 1 Early Morning Use of Disgusting Unflushed Toilet + 3 Ounces Purell to Clean Stinky Body Parts + 1 Lunch Hour Spent with Plumber

1 Lunch Hour Spent with Plumber + $89.00 = 1 Drain Cleared + 100 Measures of Gratitude that Problem Wasn't More Serious = Flush With Success