Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Flush with Success: A Mathematical Formula

1 Peaceful Lifestyle Near Shopping = 1 Semi-Rural Area

1 Semi-Rural Area - Tax Dollars = 0 City Sewer Systems

0 City Sewer Systems + 1 Necessity to Dispose of Waste = 1 Septic Tank

1 Septic Tank + 8 Hours of Steady Rain = 5 Inches of Debris Floating at Top of Tank

5 Inches of Debris Floating at Top of Tank = 1 Clogged Sewer Drain

1 Clogged Sewer Drain + 2 Large Loads of Laundry = 30 Gallons of Waste Water With No Place to Go

30 Gallons of Waste Water With No Place to Go + 1.5 Hours of Watching TV + 1 Head Up Ass = 10 Gallons of Waste Water Pouring Under Wall into Living Room + 10 Gallons of Waste Water Rising in Bathtub + 10 Gallons of Waste Water Leaking Out Under Toilet = 1 Plumbing Emergency

1 Plumbing Emergency + 1 Late-Night Call to Plumber = 0 Plumbers Available

0 Plumbers Available = 0 Beverages Consumed + 2 Precautionary Imodium Tablets Swallowed + 1 Desperate Use of Toilet Anyway + 1 Lid Firmly Closed + 1 Bathroom Door Closed So Dogs Can't Drink Nasty Water from Tub + 1 Early Bedtime Before Need to Pee Arises Again = Large Quantity of Ignoring Problem Until Next Day

Large Quantity of Ignoring Problem Until Next Day = 1 Early Morning Use of Disgusting Unflushed Toilet + 3 Ounces Purell to Clean Stinky Body Parts + 1 Lunch Hour Spent with Plumber

1 Lunch Hour Spent with Plumber + $89.00 = 1 Drain Cleared + 100 Measures of Gratitude that Problem Wasn't More Serious = Flush With Success

14 comments:

  1. Well, that's a poem all in itself, Velvet. What a day. You captured it well.

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  2. OMG, I adore your sense of humor! That was priceless!

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  3. Velvet, You always take on life with such a fantastic humor! I loved this piece. And glad you can now take care of those "stinky Body Parts" and Pee in Peace! Holly

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  4. nothing is worse than pluming problems.

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  5. At each step of your story, my facial expression changed. Something like, Hmmmmm, to head-shaking, to "that's not good", to "Oh my", to "Oh no" to "Thank goodness"

    :-)

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  6. Velvet, you are a riot! Glad your problem wasn't of longer duration, or larger dollars. On to life's next hand out, huh?! :-)

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  7. That was great! Glad the problem wasn't worse or more expensive. Bet you have a lot of scrubbing to do, though.

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  8. Glad it was all resolved! What a clever way of sharing the story and I'm amazed at how inexpensive to fix. Carmon

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  9. Oh Velvet! You handled that much better than I would have. You did get that work done cheapler, wow.

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  10. Velvet you are just too much.....your sense of humor is intriguing...

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  11. this was really great...usually my mind closes at the mention of math, lol, but I understood this one!

    Glad the problem is fixed...

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  12. Living in the Highlands, it is hard for me to imagine your life in the swamp, a place where the dead are put to rest above ground or they would float to the surface.
    teehee
    Sis 3

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  13. haven't you finished cleaning yet? and did you make it through the storms okay?

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  14. Velevt, too funny, the way you added it up! I'm glad the numbers finally worked out for you :-)

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