Wednesday, April 11, 2007

Flush with Success: A Mathematical Formula

1 Peaceful Lifestyle Near Shopping = 1 Semi-Rural Area

1 Semi-Rural Area - Tax Dollars = 0 City Sewer Systems

0 City Sewer Systems + 1 Necessity to Dispose of Waste = 1 Septic Tank

1 Septic Tank + 8 Hours of Steady Rain = 5 Inches of Debris Floating at Top of Tank

5 Inches of Debris Floating at Top of Tank = 1 Clogged Sewer Drain

1 Clogged Sewer Drain + 2 Large Loads of Laundry = 30 Gallons of Waste Water With No Place to Go

30 Gallons of Waste Water With No Place to Go + 1.5 Hours of Watching TV + 1 Head Up Ass = 10 Gallons of Waste Water Pouring Under Wall into Living Room + 10 Gallons of Waste Water Rising in Bathtub + 10 Gallons of Waste Water Leaking Out Under Toilet = 1 Plumbing Emergency

1 Plumbing Emergency + 1 Late-Night Call to Plumber = 0 Plumbers Available

0 Plumbers Available = 0 Beverages Consumed + 2 Precautionary Imodium Tablets Swallowed + 1 Desperate Use of Toilet Anyway + 1 Lid Firmly Closed + 1 Bathroom Door Closed So Dogs Can't Drink Nasty Water from Tub + 1 Early Bedtime Before Need to Pee Arises Again = Large Quantity of Ignoring Problem Until Next Day

Large Quantity of Ignoring Problem Until Next Day = 1 Early Morning Use of Disgusting Unflushed Toilet + 3 Ounces Purell to Clean Stinky Body Parts + 1 Lunch Hour Spent with Plumber

1 Lunch Hour Spent with Plumber + $89.00 = 1 Drain Cleared + 100 Measures of Gratitude that Problem Wasn't More Serious = Flush With Success


  1. Well, that's a poem all in itself, Velvet. What a day. You captured it well.

  2. OMG, I adore your sense of humor! That was priceless!

  3. Velvet, You always take on life with such a fantastic humor! I loved this piece. And glad you can now take care of those "stinky Body Parts" and Pee in Peace! Holly

  4. nothing is worse than pluming problems.

  5. At each step of your story, my facial expression changed. Something like, Hmmmmm, to head-shaking, to "that's not good", to "Oh my", to "Oh no" to "Thank goodness"


  6. Velvet, you are a riot! Glad your problem wasn't of longer duration, or larger dollars. On to life's next hand out, huh?! :-)

  7. That was great! Glad the problem wasn't worse or more expensive. Bet you have a lot of scrubbing to do, though.

  8. Glad it was all resolved! What a clever way of sharing the story and I'm amazed at how inexpensive to fix. Carmon

  9. Oh Velvet! You handled that much better than I would have. You did get that work done cheapler, wow.

  10. Velvet you are just too much.....your sense of humor is intriguing...

  11. this was really great...usually my mind closes at the mention of math, lol, but I understood this one!

    Glad the problem is fixed...

  12. Living in the Highlands, it is hard for me to imagine your life in the swamp, a place where the dead are put to rest above ground or they would float to the surface.
    Sis 3

  13. haven't you finished cleaning yet? and did you make it through the storms okay?

  14. Velevt, too funny, the way you added it up! I'm glad the numbers finally worked out for you :-)


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